Everything in our lives is bound to change at some point. Even if we try to stay the same and do the same things, we can't maintain it for long. Others' actions will affect ours and sometimes, we will want to change as well.
I'm generally open to change. It may not be comfortable but I find change exciting. I like the thought of going to a new place, meeting new people (I'm now firmly an ambivert), and trying new things. There are some things that I don't think I'll ever try, like bungee jumping, but I don't say no to everything.
The only change I've always found hard to accept is a change in relationships. When I grew apart from my best friends from high school, I took years to accept it. I missed the tight-knit girl group that we were. It has been years since we've spoken properly but I still miss it sometimes.
Eventually, I grew closer to other friends from high school whom I wasn't close to in school and we became a group. We became close enough that we'd talk about how we'd be the main helpers for each other on big days. We have grown apart a bit due to life lately but I didn't think that declaration would change.
I went to a wedding recently and the bride had a cousin or friend attending to her throughout the wedding. She would stash away gifts, adjust the bride's dress if required, regularly hand water bottles, and more.
When I saw that, I thought about whom I would choose to help me through that day if it was me on the dais. I immediately thought of my reader friends who have become my support system in the past couple of years and not my friends from high school.
Considering my relationships with the two groups and the different roles I play with each, it makes sense that I'd choose my reader friends. But I felt guilty that I wouldn't choose my high school friends despite knowing them for half of my life.
Ever since that wedding, this has popped up in my mind at random times. Relationships change and it's totally fine to have a different set of people as your support group, it's okay to send your random rants to a different group chat if that's what you're comfortable with.
I still felt sad that I wasn't turning to my high school friends, though. It made me mourn the brief time when the group chat with them was my go-to place. Now, that chat isn't as active and maybe all of us have a different group, not just me. But the practical reasoning does nothing to alleviate my sadness.
The only thing that makes it better is knowing that with time, I won't feel as sad about it. After all, I've been through this before. Maybe a few years later, I might be closer to them again or to a new set of friends entirely. Relationships keep changing as life goes on and as we change individually.
It's hard to accept change, but I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Recently, I saw someone else also speaking about this and realized that we all mourn friendships that brought us comfort in the past.
I don't really have a point for this newsletter. I just wanted to share a small thing that sometimes makes me sad in case you're going through the same as well. Accepting change is hard for everyone and you're not alone in feeling it.
catch up on...
I binged all of Ali Hazelwood's books recently and reviewed two that stood out for me — Check & Mate (my fav Hazelwood book) and Bride (the most hyped Hazelwood book).
After running around a ton, I fell sick for a week in September and read pretty much all day. Suddenly, I felt like talking and sharing my days so I wrote a Weekend Reading Log. It's a kind of post that I hadn't written in years and I absolutely enjoyed it.
I hope October is a month of comfort and joy to you. Accepting change is not easy but it's better with friends and family. Make sure to spend a lot of time with the people you love. I'll see you again soon.
Agreed. Change is never easy, but as they say, it's the only constant. It's still hard, though. I, too, wish I was still in regular contact with my college friend, but we have drifted apart over time. Just gotta accept it and move on, I guess. :(